In which Kurt gets into NYADA and goes to NYU
by gray-streaks
Summary: Kurt realizes that his dream job isn't what he thinks it is while trying to help a friend. Minor Finchel spoilers for Big Brother, speculation for Choke
1. Chapter 1

Burt and Blaine watch anxiously as Kurt stares white-faced at the envelope in his hands. The envelope. The one that can change everything. The one that can make or break Kurt's New York plans. The one from NYADA. Kurt's audition had been in New York a month ago and finally, their response had come in the mail.

"Well come on!" Burt finally bursts out, bouncing slightly, face split in a wide grin, "The suspense is killing us over here!"

If possible, Kurt gets even paler. "I – I –" He swallows, "What if-"

"Hey – hey," Blaine darts across the gap between them and cups Kurt's cheek with one hand, realizes that one of them is trembling. It's not Kurt. "I got you," he slips behind Kurt, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist and presses his face against Kurt's shoulder. "You're amazing. They'd have to be blind not to see it." This position gives Blaine the added bonus of not see Kurt's acceptance letter right away and the feeling of dread that had been in his stomach since he had seen the address on the envelop loosens a bit. If he can't see it, it doesn't exist right?

He's a horrible boyfriend.

Kurt nods jerkily with an amused, muttered, "You're more wound up than I am." Behind the amusement and nerves there is a third layer to his tone, that says he knows exactly why Blaine is behind him. In some ways, he doesn't want to leave either.

Kurt takes a deep breath. "Right, opening it now." Slowly, he slips a finger under the flap and slits the envelope open with a perfectly manicured nail. With fumbling fingers, he pulls the folded sheet of paper free and shakes it open. He reads it three times before the words sink in and he muffles a choked gasp with his hand.

Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt's waist, sure his boyfriend is going to collapse into a heap on the floor at any moment, and swallows past the lump in his throat. He tries to ignore the way it seems to sink all the way to his toes while taking his heart with it along the way. Stealing himself for the inevitable, he raises himself up and braces his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "Show me." At least his voice stays steady. Small favors.

Kurt tilts the letter slightly so Blaine can get a good look.

_Mr. Hummel_

_Congratulations! We at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts are please to-_

Blaine doesn't finish reading, he doesn't have to. Instead, he turns his head slightly and presses a kiss behind Kurt's ear. "See? You're amazing, you're-" His throat closes again and he drops back on his heels. _Leaving. _Before he knows what he's doing, he's dropped his arms from Kurt's waist and is pressing the heel of his hands to his eyes. Oh God.

He's supportive, really he is. He just-

Kurt drops the letter, Burt catches it before it hits the floor, but Kurt has already forgotten about it. He wraps his arms around Blaine's shaking form and pulls him tight to his chest. "Hey – shh – it's okay-" he presses his face to Blaine's hair when Blaine finally drops his hands and grips the front of Kurt's vest instead.

Burt places the letter carefully on the table and slips out of the kitchen. They can celebrate later.

When they pull apart, both are crying. Kurt wordlessly steers Blaine to the table and, kicking out a chair, sits. Blaine sinks into Kurt's lap, sitting sideways with the table digging into his spine and his heels propped on the edge of the chair. He tries to force himself to relax, but between the pride and terror raging battle in his chest, he finds himself curling closer to Kurt. Kurt holds him tightly and waits it out.

Suddenly, Blaine pulls back only to crash their mouths together. It's all tongue and teeth and desperation, but Kurt raises a hand to Blaine's cheek and matches him breath for breath. Really, he expected this sooner. Eventually, they're resting with their foreheads pressed together and Kurt's thumb gently wiping the tears from Blaine's cheek.

"I'm proud of you, I am, so proud. You deserve it so much, more than anybody," Blaine's voice cracks and he swallows. "I just really, really don't want you to go."

Kurt sighs softly and buries his fingers in the curls that are coming loose at the base of Blaine's skull. When he speaks, his pain is audible, "Sweetie, we've been over this, so many times," he hesitates for just the briefest of moments. "Are you sure you don't want me to-" he trails off, really this shouldn't be this hard to say. "I – I mean I could – when I asked you to transfer I wasn't – I didn't… shit," he's mumbling by the end.

Blaine laughs softly, press a kiss to Kurt's jaw. "Honey, _no_. I won't hold you back, not like this, I can't." He pauses, taking a deep breath and letting it out hard through his nose. "I'm saying this wrong," he mumbles. "_Go_. I'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine. I've known for months you'll be going, of course I have. This," he reaches behind him until he feels his fingers close on the acceptance letter, "is just proof and it hit me harder than I thought it would."

"But – you'll be here and all alone and –"

"Artie will still be around. And Tina! We can complain about being in long distance relationships and compare the pros and cons of phone and Skype sex over coffee." He smiles when Kurt snorts against his shoulder. "It'll be great, you'll see." He sounds falsely cheery even to his own ears. "I'll miss you, of course I will, more than anything," he's speaking softer now, "but we'll talk and text so much our phones won't be able to keep up. Before you know it you'll be back for Christmas, a whole month, just the two of us. We'll make it work."

"I love you."

"I love you more," Blaine says and grins when Kurt rolls his eyes. "Now come on, let's call Rachel. I know you're dying to."

Kurt grins, "With any luck, hers is late again."

Blaine laughs as he unfolds himself from Kurt's lap and stretches, "You're horrible, it about destroyed her the last time." He reaches out and pulls Kurt to his feet. "You _know_ she forgot to apply anywhere else, at least you have NYU as a back-up plan, if she doesn't get in..." he lets the sentence hang, really there aren't words to describe it.

Kurt had left his phone in his room so, still hand in hand, they leave the kitchen and head towards the stairs. They don't get very fair, Burt has been waiting, hovering really, near the door and pulls Kurt into a hug the first chance he gets. He doesn't miss a beat when Blaine stumbles into them and drags him in as well.

Burt opens his mouth to speak, but just ends up closing it again. He knows how much this means to Kurt, what it means to both of them, as different as their emotions might be at the moment. He remembers one night last summer that had the boys curled up on the couch watching a political debate on Kurt's laptop of all things.

He remembers the way they had sat there silently, holding hands, with Blaine's legs draped across Kurt's lap still so uncertain with what they could get away with. He remembers the hope that Kurt couldn't quite keep from shining in his eyes no matter how hard he tried to keep his hopes from getting too high. Once Burt had realized what was going on, he had set aside his newspaper and joined them on the couch, Blaine shooting him nervous looks as his toes dug into Burt's thigh, and gripped Kurt's other hand. He remembers the way both Kurt and Blaine had flinched when they results were announced, expecting a different outcome, the stunned realization that crossed both of their faces a second later, the relieved, choked sob that had escaped from Kurt a moment after that. That was the first time Burt had seen them kiss, firmly enough to leave them both breathless and with tears running down their cheeks. It was the first night he had hugged Blaine, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't one of his sons.

New York had been in Kurt's plan for so long that Burt couldn't remember what had come before it, or if anything even had. Had Kurt ever wanted to be a mechanic? Burt couldn't remember, but he seriously doubted it. So many of Kurt's hopes and dreams rested on New York, his expectations for the city so high, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that the results of that vote could have tarnished his view of the place forever. New York is a safe haven in a way home, Ohio, never could be. A place where Kurt could be whoever he wanted, with whomever he wanted.

There was really nothing Burt could add to that. So he simply hugged his boys, _both_ of them, tight for second, brushed his lips across Kurt's temple in a way he hadn't in years but said everything that needed said, and let them go. He leaves them to wander upstairs and goes to leave Carole a message on her cell for when she gets to take a break in her shift at the hospital.

Blaine glances over his shoulder as Kurt leads him around the bend in the stairs, "Is he going to be alright? That was… weird."

Kurt gives him a bright, if slightly teary, smile, "He's fine, really," he adds when Blaine doesn't look convinced. "Like you said, this," he waves the letter, now looking slightly crumpled, around a bit with the hand that isn't gripping Blaine's, "is proof. He doesn't have to say anything." He stops, just inside his bedroom door and freezes for just a second.

Blaine watches as reality sinks in fully, having been put on hold by his sudden breakdown in the kitchen. He wouldn't have dreaded the letter quite so much if he had known that _this_ would be the reaction.

Kurt's grin spread slowly, wide and blinding. It's Blaine's favorite, the one with the teeth, the one that makes Kurt seem so _alive_. Suddenly he's smoothing the letter out with shaking fingers, dropping Blaine's hand and stumbling to his desk so he can lay the paper flat. He's back just as quickly, pulling Blaine against his chest and trembling slightly from too many emotions.

"Oh my _god_, Blaine!" Then he's laughing, picking Blaine up and spinning him in a circle. "I did it, I'm actually going."

Blaine's grinning when Kurt sets him down; really it's infectious, in the best way possible of course. Seriously, Kurt's face right now could cure cancer. Blaine will have to look into that.

"So much to do," Kurt says and then he's muttering about packing and books and registering for classes. Within seconds he's debating the pros and cons of a dorm room over and apartment with just Rachel and "Really, Blaine, we should have figured this out before."

"Woah, woah, hey," Blaine says with a laugh even as his grin starts to fade. "It's May, graduation isn't for another two weeks, you don't leave until August. It's plenty of time." His hands reach up and cup Kurt's face and rest their foreheads together. "Can't we just-" He lets it hang because there it is again, that damned insecurity, the fear of being left behind, forgotten. He swallows.

Kurt holds him tightly, gently sliding one hand into Blaine's curls and pressing soft, barely there kisses along any part of Blaine he could reach. Oh, this is going to be so much harder than they thought it would be. "It's only a year, not even, nine months. Eight because of semester break, we can do this. And next June, you're coming too, right?"

Blaine took a shaky breath.

"It'll be great remember? You, Tina, coffee and Skype sex, yeah?" He pauses, brow furrowing adorably. "Wait no…"

And just like that, Blaine's laughing so hard it hurts and trying to stop long enough to kiss the slightly annoyed look from Kurt's face. He finally manages it and goes to grab Kurt's phone from the bedside table. "Bit hard to plan without Rachel," he says as he tosses the phone in Kurt's direction.

Kurt catches it and rolls his eyes, but he's dialing even as he's walking over to settle on his bed with his back against the headboard. He's putting the phone to his ear as Blaine climbs up next to him, curling into his side and resting his head on Kurt's chest. Kurt slips a hand into Blaine's curls and tangles their legs together while he waits for the phone to ring.

Blaine's gripping the front of Kurt's vest of them. God, this is getting ridiculous, when did he turn into the clingy boyfriend? Still, Blaine presses his face into Kurt's chest, breathing him in and savoring the feeling of just being together. He tries to imprint the way Kurt's arms make him feel at home in a way nothing else can to his memory for when Kurt's gone. He snuggles in closer. Maybe if he holds on tight enough, Kurt won't be able to leave.

Well a boy can dream.

"Rach… hold up… I don't-" Suddenly, Kurt's voice goes from completely bewildered to more disbelieving then Blaine has ever heard him. "You – you – and it's all… okay, breathe Princess. I'm coming, okay? Just hold on for half an hour. Okay... just relax."

He flinches, pulling the phone from his ear, and Blaine can hear Rachel's tiny, shrill voice coming from the speaker.

"Relax? Your soul-crushing, _life-ruining_, jackass of a brother made me lose everything and you want me to _relax_?"

Blaine raises his eyebrows. He knows that Finn had broken up with Rachel, his _fiancée_, over the phone while she had been in New York for her audition, but life-ruining? Really? Reluctantly, he rolls off Kurt, clearly the snuggle-fest that opens his celebratory plans isn't going to happen. Stupid Rachel.

"Rachel! Rach- oh forget it." Kurt ends the call and switches it off for good measure.

Blaine sits on the edge of the bed. "Dare I ask?"

Kurt stares at him eyes wide, shock practically written across his face in neon letters. In an instant, he's on his feet, pulling a duffle bag out of his closet and flipping through his clothes. Finally, he makes a tiny, annoyed noise and grabs one of the pre-put-together outfits he keeps for emergencies. Folding it quickly and neatly, he stuffs it in the bag and ducks into his bathroom returning in seconds with his overnight toiletry kit. Then he's tossing the strap over his shoulder, snagging Blaine's wrist and, pausing briefly to grab is phone from the bed and keys from his desk, dragging him out the door and back down the stairs.

"Holy… Kurt, Honey, what's-"

At the turn in the stairs, Kurt stops and stares at him, for moment he looks like he's going to explain, but instead he says, "Mercedes, I need to call Mercedes." The instant his phone is back on (and he's ignored the three calls he's already missed from Rachel) he's dialing Mercedes. The instant she answers he fires off, "Rachel's five minutes, no arguments," and hangs up. Still gripping Blaine's wrist¸ he takes off down the rest of the stairs.

Burt looks up from his _Popular Mechanic_ magazine in the living room as Kurt drags Blaine through and raises his eyebrows.

All Blaine can do is shake his head and shrug.

Burt mutters, "Well at least it's a Saturday this time," and goes back to his magazine.

Kurt drags Blaine out the front door and hesitates when he gets to their cars. "You should probably take yours. Getting you back will probably be next to impossible." He releases Blaine and, placing a hand in the small of his back, pushes him towards his jeep.

Blaine takes a few steps then pauses, turning, "Please tell me what is going on."

Kurt tosses his bag into the passenger seat of his Navigator and slams the door shut before he answers.

"She didn't get in."


	2. Chapter 2

By the time they get to Rachel's, Mercedes' car is already in the driveway. Kurt jumps out of his Navigator, grabs his bag, and dashes up the front steps and through the front door without waiting for Blaine to even get out of his Jeep.

Blaine laughs when Kurt leaves the door wide open, he can't help it. (Seriously, what is it with his emotions today?) He has never really understood Kurt and Rachel's relationship, half the time they are at each other's throats and the other half they are practically living in the other's bedroom. It only gets even more confusing when you add Mercedes into the mix. Blaine thinks that in some ways the three of them have too much in common and that their friendship shouldn't work as well as it does, but he knows that in the end, it's the similarities that keep them together and that they will always have each other's backs.

He slowly climbs the steps and mounts the porch just as a man, one of Rachel's dads he assumes, appears to close it. Having not been to Rachel's house since their failed date the year before while her dads were on their cruise, he has never met them. He's not entirely sure what to expect.

"Hello," Blaine gestures awkwardly over his shoulder towards his and Kurt's car, "I..." He's not quite sure what to say and this is starting to get uncomfortable really quickly. Finally he settles for, "I think Kurt forgot I exist."

To his surprise, the man laughs. "I doubt that considering he never shuts up about you."

Blaine feels his cheeks warm and he ducks his head, "Yea?" One of these days he will get better at receiving compliments. He hopes. Except it's a compliment from Kurt really and that's the best feeling in the world and he never wants it to disappear.

"Absolutely." He gives a faint, unreadable, smile and tilts his head towards the house. "Come in, Blaine. I think Leroy's making popcorn now that we don't have to deal with the hysterics ourselves, care to join us? They're usually entertaining." He pauses for a moment then sighs. "I'm a horrible father."

Blaine laughs and follows him into the house, "She's really not that bad… just passionate. Exceedingly passionate," he adds thoughtfully as he shuts the door behind him and looks around the room.

Even with the photos of Rachel that are, perhaps inevitably, hanging everywhere, it is still beautifully decorated. He remembers how indifferent he had been to the expensive furniture and the fancy curtains the year before. Now he's almost jealous. Of what the Berrys have built together. That they get to see each other every –

_Okay, stop. Kurt's not leaving for another three months. You still have time._

But he's a little in awe, too. They've managed it and through times a lot more difficult than Blaine himself would ever see. And in Ohio. It gives him hope for his future. For his and Kurt's future. Suddenly he's hit with just how much he wants this, a house, a family and with _Kurt_. He's hit with just how much he loves that boy and how much every day is going to hurt while he's away. It's not the first time, not even today, but the intensity the feelings never fails to make his knees buckle slightly.

He can hear Kurt and Mercedes try to calm Rachel, trying to get her to fall back into some sense of coherency before they can put her back together, as they pass the stairs. He pauses for a moment, trying to get something sensible out of the combination of Rachel's babbling and Kurt's calm (mostly) chatter, he can't make out Mercedes. All he can understand is that Finn's to blame, but really he had figured that out already. The sound of footprints makes him turn.

A second Mr. Berry, probably Leroy, has joined the first. He's carrying a silver mixing bowl and he offers it to Blaine in absentminded silence, obviously trying to understand what's going on upstairs. Blaine waves it away and Leroy shrugs and offers the popcorn to his husband instead.

"So how exactly is this Finn's fault?" Blaine figures if anybody knows, they do.

The first Mr. Berry (Blaine really needs to learn his name) blinks at him for a moment. "Did she say when Finn called things off?"

Blaine thinks. "I got it from Kurt," he shrugs slightly, "he just said while she was in the city and left it at that."

The Berry's trade looks.

Leroy speaks first, "It's not like her to leave the juicy details out."

"She probably doesn't want Kurt to kill him."

Finally, something in Blaine's mind clicks into place and everything suddenly makes sense. Then he's running up the stairs two at a time, even though his pants are really too tight for that sort of thing, and leaving the amused Berrys behind him because _oh my god_. It's not hard to find Rachel's room. All he has to do is follow the insanity. He's just pushing the door open when it happens.

Kurt and the girls are sitting on the bed, well, Mercedes is lying on her back with one of Rachel's pillows pulled over her face. Rachel flailing, arms lashing out randomly and her eyes wide open and more than a little crazy, and Blaine realizes that he's actually never seen her loose it completely before. Now that he has, it's strangely terrifying. Kurt is sitting across from Rachel, one leg tucked under the other, and leaning away every time her arms get a little too close.

"Rachel, seriously, Princess, you're making less sense than usual. Come on, Sweetie, use your words, you're usually so good at it." He dodges another of Rachel's random, angry swipes and sighs.

"I- I'm not g-good enough for an-n-nyone!" She's sobbing, though there are no tears, has she really cried herself out already? "N-not NYADA! N-not Finn! N-nobody loves m-"

Kurt's hand pulls back and slaps her across the face with a shockingly loud _smack_. Blaine knows it must be a stage slap, meant to be heard rather than felt, but from the sudden silence and look of pure shock on Rachel's face, it does its job.

Mercedes pulls the pillow off her face and sits up, "About time, White Boy." She pauses and glances over, "Hi, Blaine, come to join the insanity?"

Kurt looks over and stares at him, trying to figure out what Blaine's doing there. A second later, it hits him and he bows his head, feeling his cheeks warm. Oops. He feels the bed sink slightly as Blaine sits next to him and looks up.

Blaine winks at him, grinning adorably, before turning to Rachel. All he says is, "He called before," trying to be as quiet and soothing as he could, though the idea of her being left behind is strangely alluring. He just hopes it will work, he's never been part of the 'Bring Rachel Back to Sanity' crew before, and exactly how does one calm a hysterical Rachel Berry?

_Hitting her seemed to work pretty well. _

_Yea, but I'm not Kurt._

Kurt goes completely still, bitch face sliding into place so quickly Blaine can barely catch the shift in his features before it's already done. "Finn did what."

Rachel bites her lip; she had hoped to avoid this. She should have known it was futile. "Don't kill him, Kurt. It was an accident. He thought my audition was the next day. Believe it or not, I don't tell you everything about our relationship."

Kurt's eyebrow arches as he shares a look with Mercedes, who is wearing an almost terrifyingly similar expression. They shift positions, moving up the bed and leaning against the headboard with their legs stretched out in front of them. Kurt pauses long enough to remove his Docs, but as soon as he's settled, he opens his arms for Blaine, a motion that seems more instinctual than practiced like the others.

Blaine hesitates for the briefest of moments, they've never sat like this outside of Kurt's house, but settles himself comfortably between his boyfriend's legs. Kurt squeezes him tightly, a silent apology for leaving him outside, and laces their fingers together.

Rachel herself is now sitting at the end of the bed with her legs curled beside her. She has her hair thrown over one shoulder and is nervously wrapping it around her fingers, looking more ready for an interrogation than a conversation with her best friends.

The whole thing feels like a ritual, and for all that he's been included, Blaine feels like he's intruding.

Kurt shifts slightly, hooking one leg over Blaine's, before arching his eyebrow at Rachel again. Blaine can't actually see it of course, but he's starting to develop a sixth sense about this kind of thing. "We're listening."

For all that Kurt's voice sounds completely normal and he looks like he's just relaxing with his boyfriend, Blaine can feel the tension in his body, knows that Kurt's back is ramrod straight and that he's looking for one good reason not to run out of this room, find Finn and give him the lecture of the century. Blaine adjusts his hand so he can rub his thumb along the back of Kurt's, a silent message to relax. It works a little bit, Kurt lets out a breath and Blaine can feel some of the tension drain away.

"I really feel that we should get in our pajama's and-"

"Rachel." Mercedes's tone leaves no room for arguments.

Rachel grips her hair once last time and tosses it over her shoulder. "Remember Noah's crazy plan to move to LA and expand his pool cleaning business?"

"Hard to forget, considering Finn's going now," Kurt says, impatiently waiting for her to get to the point, "It's all he's talking about." He pauses for a second. "That and what he's going to do with the ring."

Mercedes shoots him a look.

Rachel sniffs slightly, "Yes, well anyway, way back when Noah first pitch the idea, Finn talked to me about it. Accused me of never taking what he wants into consideration when making my New York plans, like he didn't know I was going when we got back together after Nationals last year and-"

"Rachel," Blaine says gently.

"Anyway, we never tried to find a compromise because he didn't have any plans. Not after that football scholarship fell through. I thought we could figure out what he was going to do in New York together, but the next thing I know he's demanding to know if I'm in love with him or with the person I expect him to be once we're in the city."

"He's got a point," Kurt says archly, "I've been trying to-"

Mercedes shoots him a look, "Like you've never built Finn up to be something he's not."

"I-" He sighs, "that's a completely different situation."

"He's not some knight in shining armor, he never was."

Blaine knows all about what Kurt calls the 'Finn Fiasco,' of course he does. He had been given all the grisly details the first time he had dinner at Kurt's house. He had asked how Burt and Carole had gotten together and had been met with an amused grin from Carole and roaring laughter from Burt while Kurt and Finn had buried their faces in their hands out of mortification. It wasn't the story he had expected and he is still amazed at how less than a year later, they had been able to joke about it so freely. He and Kurt had still been just friends then and the jealousy he had felt had caught him by surprise.

Kurt sighed heavily, sounding like they have been over this a million times. "I never said he was, but he's the _only_ one that gave a damn for years. Excuse me for being desperate." He turned away from Mercedes, "What'd you tell him, Rach."

"I – I needed to think about it. I mean, what do you say to that?" She swallows and looks down, a single tear finally making its way down her cheek. Blaine can't understand how the girl that cries every time she sings a solo is suddenly so dry eyed. "You're right, Kurt. He- Finn never would have been happy in the city. We... we talked about compromises, but I think we both knew it was hopeless."

Rachel falls silent for a moment, picking at a loose thread on her comforter. "Neither of us wanted to end it though, so we didn't… until Finn called about thirty seconds before the judges called me in. He had his days wrong, you know how he is."

"You couldn't use it?" Blaine asks, just relieved she's calmed down enough to talk openly about it, even if her voice did sound a little dead. As different as Finn and Rachel were, and as little chance as they had had to make it, they really did love each other. Blaine has known it since he first met them.

"I did," Rachel smiles sadly, "but about half-way through I turned into Tina singing 'My Funny Valentine,' it was that bad. I might have run out it shame after that."

Kurt shifts slightly and sighs, "You could have told us. Actually, I'm surprised you didn't."

"I had hoped that the first half was good enough that they'd ignore that I ran out. It was stupid."

"If you got in, you wouldn't have had to tell us… and you were afraid that white boy here would kill him."

"Maybe a little."

"I don't want to kill him."

"Yes you do," Blaine, Rachel and Mercedes say simultaneously. They look at each other in silence for a moment then break into giggles.

"Well, no more than usual anyway."

That just makes them giggle harder.

Kurt huffs and attempts to cross his arms, but only succeeds in running them in to Blaine. The laughter stops for the briefest of moments, but then returns harder than ever. When Rachel starts snorting, Kurt gives in and joins as well.

It takes them a while to calm down, but eventually they do. Blaine squishes himself in between Kurt and Mercedes against the headboard to give Kurt a little breathing room, but he tilts his head a little so it rests against Kurt's shoulder.

"Santana's right, you two are sickenly adorable, you know that?" Mercedes rolls her eyes.

"Have you _seen_ you and Sam lately?" Kurt shoots back, "Seriously, you're worse than Tina and Mike, god."

Mercedes reaches around Blaine and straight for Kurt's hair. He scowls and smacks her hand away.

Rachel's glancing between Kurt and Blaine with a small, sad smile on her face, but all she says is, "I didn't ask, did you get your letter, Kurt?"

Blaine glances over, his eyes shining with pride, even if his heart sinks a little at the reminder that they only have a few months left.

"I got it, yes." He doesn't elaborate, but the excitement in his eyes say everything.

Mercedes leans across Blaine to get a proper look, "Well?" Her eyes are dancing. She just wants to hear him say it.

Kurt grins. "Yes. I – yes."

Mercedes rolls her eyes, "It's a college acceptance not a pro-"

Rachel shrieks and throws herself at Kurt. "Yay! Oh my god, you're going to have to teach me _everything_. I'll do your homework and-"

There's a light knock at the door and the first of Rachel's dad's sticks his head in, "We're thinking Chinese, the usual kids? Blaine?"

There are small assenting noises from Rachel and Mercedes and a "Thanks, Harim." from Kurt.

Blaine hesitates, "I wasn't exactly planning on staying…"

Mr. Berry raises his eyebrows, "Too bad, we already made sure Burt was okay with it."

Kurt looks startled, but his eyes are shining with excitement, "Really?"

Harim gives a small hum of assent, "He says he's fine with it as long as we know that anything that happens is our problem."

Blaine and Kurt blush slightly and avoid Harim's eyes.

"Erm – okay, in that case…" Blaine hesitates and glances at Kurt, "Your usual?"

Kurt's eyebrows arch, "Would it be my usual otherwise?'

"… fair point. What he's having is good."

Harim's lips twitch slightly, "Fair enough." He disappears and the door clicks closed.

Blaine doesn't miss the grateful look he shoots Kurt before he goes.

There's a moment of silence, then "Jammies?"

Blaine raises his eyebrows slightly, it's only late afternoon, early evening at best, but Kurt and Mercedes roll their eyes at each other and murmur their agreement.

Rachel jumps up and starts digging pajama's out of her dresser, tossing some to both Kurt and Mercedes before ducking into her bathroom. A second later she reappears, "Do you want to borrow a pair of sweats, Blaine?"

Blaine hesitates, then shrugs, "Yea, all right."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Well it's either that or inform your dad that I have pajama's in your room for when he and Carole are in DC."

Kurt grimaces.

Mercedes and Rachel trade amused looks.

"Tonight is going to be… educational."

Rachel giggles as she goes back to her dresser. She digs through the drawers for a minute, "Um, is pink okay? All my others must be in the laundry."

"Oh _my_ god." Kurt looks absolutely scandalized.

Mercedes is practically cackling as she goes into the bathroom and closes the door. It does nothing to block her out.

Blaine grins, "I don't mind."

Rachel tosses the hot pink swears at him, "You're cleaning them it… you know."

Blaine rolls his eyes, but nods.

"Yes Rachel, because you're not a cockblock or anything."

She sticks her tongue out and slips back into the bathroom, opening the door just enough to let herself in.

Kurt's eyeing the sweats again, "Seriously, does she go shopping while she's high?"

Blaine laughs, tugging at his bowtie and sliding it out of his collar. "I doubt it. You can put up with the horrible sweatpants for one night."

Kurt huffs, undoing his own tie and unbuttoning his vest, "I suppose, at least she's not wearing pantsuits anymore, my influence has done _something_."

"Pantsuits, seriously?" Blaine's voice is muffled in his sweater vest as he pulls it over his head.

"Cobalt blue pantsuits," Kurt says with obvious disgust, laying his shirt neatly on the bed and sliding on the dark blue pajama shirt. He laughs at the face Blaine makes while moving onto his belt and skinny jeans.

Blaine reaches out to steady him when the jeans get stuck and he wobbles slightly. "You realize we haven't done this before?"

"What? Get undressed in front of each other?" Kurt laughs, "Are you feeling okay?"

Blaine pulls a face at him, "I'm fine. I meant sleep in the same room… all night."

Kurt's eyebrows go up again.

"I mean there was the time after Rachel's party, but I was pretty much passed out and we weren't us yet, you know?" He sighs, shrugging slightly. "Even if the girls are here, I just… one night before you go…" He shakes his head, "Never mind. I'm just moping again."

Kurt finishes pulling on his pajama pants and pulls Blaine into a hug. "I meant it when I said I was never saying goodbye to you."

"I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but why does it hurt so damn much already?" Blaine buried his face into Kurt's chest, taking full advantage of Kurt's still unbuttoned shirt. He swallows, "I why do I feel like I'm holding you back? You're lame high school boyfriend with a weird bowtie fetish."

Kurt's eyes close as he presses his nose into Blaine's hair right where a few curls are just starting to come loose from the gel, "Oh, Sweetie."

"I'm sorry, I know it's stupid and this isn't the time or the place, but I just… I can't lose you." He swallows, his arms going around Kurt and his hands curling over Kurt's shoulders under the shirt. His voice drops to a whisper, "Part of me says to end it now so I'm not, so I won't have to- No, I'm not – I- oh god," he splutters when he feels Kurt tense against him. "I'm just so scared and I know I shouldn't be."

Kurt swallows past the lump in his throat, "I'm scared too, I don't know who I am without you anymore, I can't lose you, please don't-" He stops to take a deep breath, trying to find his composure, one of them had to be strong about this. He had known for weeks, ever since Cooper had visited and Blaine's insecurities had started to make sense, that it wasn't going to be Blaine. "I love you, more than Broadway, more than New York, more than anything. I'm not leaving, I'm just… going away for a while," he grimaces at how horribly cliché it sounds, and Blaine chuckles slightly, pressing a kiss to his chest. "Whenever you need me-"

"Just call, any time, all the time, I know," Blaine sighs, "Like I said it's stupid."

"No it's not." Kurt steps back, but only far enough to lift Blaine's chin and kiss him softly. He's trying to convey everything his feels when it comes to Blaine, the intense, too good to be true love, his own fears about New York, his certainty that they'll make it. He pulls away again, "I'll prove it to you, somehow, I _will_."

"I don't deserve you," Blaine murmurs.

"If you could just see yourself instead of everything you think you do wrong…" Kurt sighs, sadly. Blaine looks so small in just his undershirt and boxer briefs, his shoulders hunched and looking so damned miserable. "Come on," he reaches out and grabs those horrible sweats from the bed, "Put them on before the girls think we're having sex or something."

Blaine laughs softly and takes them. While he slides them on, Kurt hurriedly buttons his shirt and, making sure Blaine is properly clothed, goes and taps lightly on the door.

It opens almost instantly, "Took you long enough, White Boy, what exactly have you too been do-" Mercedes catches sight of Blaine's face, "Everything okay?"

Rachel, who is already examining the state of her bed, looks over, her mouth forming a soft O.

"Everything fine, really," Kurt adds when neither of the girls look convinced. He goes back the bed and carefully begins to fold his clothes. He absently does Blaine's as well, stacking the two piles neatly together, and put them neatly in his duffle bag. All the while, he's thinking of ways to reassure Blaine.

"So," Rachel says cheerfully, "What are we doing tonight?"


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Kurt wakes up to the sound of giggles and a stage-whispered, "Shh, you'll wake them up." He's on Rachel's floor, he remembers that much. Even if it had been his turn to share the bed with Rachel, the addition of Blaine meant two of them had to be on the floor. Like hell he was going to pass it up. He's got one of Rachel's too many pillows stuck under his head. Blaine is supposed to have another, but Kurt can tell from the weight on his shoulder and the warm breath on his neck that it isn't being used.

Kurt shifts a little, causing some panicked shushing noises from the girls. Blaine has one leg draped over both of his, he can tell that much and, from the slight tugging sensation, there's probably a hand gripping the front of his shirt for all it's worth. There's a blanket, wrapped around and between them, that's making it all a little too warm, but then Blaine's moving, pressing a sleepy kiss just to the side of Kurt's pulse point and sliding down to burrow against his chest properly, and Kurt can't find it in him to care all that much.

Rachel and Mercedes giggle some more and Kurt here's the tell-tale click of a camera. He just tightens his arms around Blaine and buries his nose in the curls that had finally come loose from the gel around midnight during their impromptu Wicked revival. He vaguely remembers Rachel setting up her video camera, he'll be taking that performance home with him. She always makes copies.

Vaguely, Kurt wonders how long he can get away with pretending to sleep. He's not one to sleep in long, even on weekends, even after being up most of the night, and the girls know it. They won't be the main issue though. The floor is already starting to feel uncomfortably hard the more he wakes up and Kurt is already feeling the need to get up and _do _something, preferably work out the kink he probably has in his back and make his hair look at least partly presentable. But all he really wants to do is lie here and memorize the way sleeping Blaine fits against him in a way awake Blaine doesn't, is that too much to ask?

He gives into the urge to bury a hand in those curls and lightly scrapes his nails against Blaine's scalp, earning a soft groan of satisfaction in response. So that makes two of them that are awake.

The giggling stops for a second, then there's a soft, "Oh my god," from Rachel and it starts up again.

The game's up, so Blaine pulls the blanket over his head and buries his face against Kurt's stomach. "Kuuuuurt, make 'em go 'way."

Kurt laughs softly, finally opening his eyes, and scratches Blaine's scalp again.

Blaine lets out another, mostly involuntary, moan. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," he mumbles, snuggling closer with each repetition. Both of his legs are wrapped around Kurt's now and he's unabashedly clinging to him. "…no I don't," he amends half a second later and presses a kiss to Kurt's shirt. "You're leaving and I love you, I love you, I love you," he mumbles, like he needs to make sure Kurt knows it before he goes to New York.

Kurt's hand tightens, hopefully reassuringly, in Blaine's hair. A long moment later, he loosens his grip slightly and looks up at Rachel and Mercedes, arching an eyebrow. "Did you need something, ladies?" Slowly, he starts twining a curl around his finger.

"An insulin shot," Mercedes says almost instantly, "seriously, White Boy."

Rachel just coos and snaps another picture.

Kurt is sitting at his desk, his weekend calculus homework open in front of him as he taps his pencil against the edge of his notebook and stares at the wall. He can hear the other members of his family moving around the house, the trucking show his dad was watching in the living room, the gunfire coming from Finn's room as he procrastinates on his final English paper, the sound of the clothes dryer slamming shut during a moment of silence.

After Rachel gave them their copies of their joint Wicked performance, Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes had all gone their separate ways. Mercedes is out shopping with her mom, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear under her red graduation gown. Blaine has his own homework to finish and knew that if he tried bringing it over, it wouldn't get done. They have already tried that twice this weekend.

Kurt sighs, giving up, and drops his pencil into the crease of his book. He pushes the chair back slightly and pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin on top of them as his eyes shift from the wall to the picture of him and Blaine sitting on the corner of his desk. Kurt is taking a bite out of a large strawberry, his eyes wide in pretend shock as Blaine pressed a kiss to his cheek. Even in the picture, you can see they pure joy dancing in Kurt's eyes. You can see the way Blaine is smiling so broadly that it's barely a kiss at all.

Not long after that, Blaine has started pulling away, trying to practice living without him. Even now, Kurt can't really understand what Blaine was going through, what he's still going through. Kurt has never doubted their relationship, Blaine has been it for him practically from the moment they met on that staircase. Kurt's not leaving, he was never leaving, and though he accepts that Blaine feels that he is, he can't understand _why._ They made each other so happy, how could Blaine even think that Kurt is leaving him?

Suddenly, Kurt can feel it, the sudden, sharp tightening in his chest that makes it difficult to breathe, the sudden ache where his heart should be. He's so busy trying to process the feeling that when a heart-wrenching sob breaks the silence of the room, it takes him a second to realize that it must come from him. He presses his hand to mouth, ignoring the tears that are already sliding down his face and just feels it, the sudden, undeniable loneliness that really can't be explained in words.

His first instinct is to grab his phone and call Blaine, tell him just how _much_ he misses him, but he fights it. They'd seen each other less than two hours ago, Kurt shouldn't be missing him yet. Not like this. Kurt is always aware when Blaine isn't nearby, but _this_ is so much worse, that times fifty, times a hundred. Seeing Blaine won't be enough to get rid of it, Kurt thinks, so desperate to hold him that it physically hurts. It doesn't make sense…and yet, suddenly everything makes sense.

The slightly desperate look Blaine has in his eyes before he catches sight of Kurt. The way he's been hugging Kurt so tightly that he can't breathe once he does see him and Kurt practically has to force him to let go. How Blaine had started clinging to Kurt so often that Kurt was tempted to call him 'Koala Bear' at times. The reaction Blaine had to the letter yesterday. The panicked way he had reassured Kurt that he didn't hate him that morning. They were just little moments most of them, easily forgettable, but they all flashed before Kurt's eyes in a burst of sudden, painful clarity. He is leaving. Graduation is in two weeks and at the end of August, he is leaving.

Oh _god._

With his one hand still pressed to his mouth, Kurt wraps his other arm around his torso, trying to hold himself together. It doesn't work.

Three months, less than that, and he won't see Blaine again until September.

Three months and it would be just him and Rache-

Rachel wasn't going. Without NYADA, Rachel had no reason to go this fall. They had talked about it some last night, before she had another breakdown, it was why they had ended up doing Wicked. She was going to apply to NYU, but until they opened applications for the spring semester, she was stuck. She'll follow Kurt back to the city after Christmas, but until then-

Kurt is on his own.

At least she'd be a friendly face, a distraction, someone to keep him from killing himself every day in dance rehearsal.

This is what it is going to feel like, except even worse.

They'll see each other at school tomorrow. Glee club might be over for the year, but there's always lunch and between classes and Kurt will get a hug at some point. It's practically guaranteed. Kurt's already clinging to it.

But when he's in New York and Blaine's still in Ohio? They won't have that. No physical contact. The lack of sex will be bad enough, but the rest of it? Hugs in the hall, sleepy snuggles in Kurt's bed before Blaine has to leave at curfew, sneaky hand holding in glee club, at the Lima Bean, in Breadstix? None of that will happen either, not for four months. They'll have to settle for skype dates and late night phone calls and texts sent in the middle of class. Nothing to keep it at bay, just the unbearable pain of separation and the hope that love will be enough.

It all hits him in an instant. No Blaine, no Rachel, no Dad, no Carole, hell even Finn.

Suddenly, Kurt doesn't want to go, but he knows he's too stubborn to change his mind. He knows Blaine won't let him.

He needs Rachel. She has to come, but how?

He's still trying to hold himself together. God, Blaine had been doing this for months, how?

The first is easy to answer, she has to get into NYADA.

How?

He doesn't know.

Then he does.

Can he?

Should he?

But-

There's a soft tap on the open door and Carole enters carrying a basket of laundry. "You left a bunch of things in the dryer again, I- Kurt?"

"I- I'm fine," he says, trying to unfold himself from his chair and wiping at his tears. "I- I just- how can I miss him already?"

"Oh, Sweetheart," Carole says, sadly and with so much understanding Kurt can feel his tears shift to ones of relief, as she sets the basket just inside the door. She doesn't hesitate, even though this isn't something she does often, not for Kurt, going instantly to his side and pulling him against her in a slightly awkward hug.

Kurt tenses, just for a moment, but wraps his arms around her thighs and presses his face into her stomach. "It hurt's too much, I _can't_-"

"You can," Carole says firmly, gently, "you will. You and Blaine… you're probably the most well-adjusted high school couple I've ever met." She pauses a moment, decides that Kurt's hair is well and truly wrecked, and carefully slides a hand into the slightly stiff strands, ready to pull it back out the instant he starts to protest. "I won't insult you by comparing you to Finn and Rachel-"

"_Thank you,_" Kurt mumbles, the sound muffled in Carole's shirt. He pulls back enough so he can wipe his nose on the back of his hand, but he's back in an instant.

Carole laughs slightly, "but the two of you rely on each other so much- no, no, it's not a criticism, it's really quite beautiful to watch, gorgeous even. I've seen married couples that – never mind. Maybe it'll be good for you. You'll still be together, I don't think anything will ever change that…." She sighs and rubs Kurt's scalp slightly, "I'm saying this wrong, give me a second?"

Kurt can't help, he laughs. Carole and his dad have a habit of making the parenting thing look easy, it's not often when they admit they have to think about the right words. While she thinks, he gently nudges her back and goes to sit on the edge of his bed. He realizes he's trembling, the hug had helped, Carole has this magical ability to make everything feel better, but she's really not the person he needs right now. Still, Blaine had managed to hide this for a month, he can control himself for a few minutes.

Carole joins him on the bed. "It's just," she speaks slowly, picking her words carefully, but being undeniably frank, "who are you without him? I won't say that you've changed in the last year and a half, become more _you_ maybe, but not changed. But you were so broken, he's fixed you so much and you've done the same for him. Everything's been Kurt and Blaine for months it's like-"

"We're a married couple?" His lips twitch, "A fabulous married couple, we're the first to admit it, Carole."

"I know," she smiles at him, "but the point is: you're _not_. Someday you will be, nobody doubts it, but right now? You're only eighteen, Kurt and it's amazing you found each other so early in your lives, but sometimes I think you know each other better than you know your selves. You're still two separate people and-"

"We haven't forgotten, Carole, we know. We've given each other everything, there's nothing left but the rest of our lives," he sighs, shoulders slumping slightly knowing she has a point, even if he thinks it's a small one.

"What's one year, compared to that?" Carole smiles, a bit sadly, "I met Chris when I was sixteen, I thought…" She trails off for a moment. "We weren't much older than you when Finn was born, I was a widowed, single mother by twenty-one."

"Dad turned thirty a month later," Kurt murmured absently, briefly remembering watching a casket being lowered into the ground. The look of sheer pain his dad would get for years afterwards. The tears that slid down Carole's cheeks as they finally buried Chris's ashes. The pain in his chest tightened into something even more undefinable. He couldn't imagine losing Blaine, especially like that, the very idea…

"You and Blaine have so much time," Carole says softly.

"I know, we're just… impatient," Kurt smiles a bit, wiping at his tears again. "It just hit me out of nowhere, and it hurts. I'm still here and it _hurts_, it's only going to get worse."

"I know, Sweetheart. There's always Rachel, she makes a good distraction, if nothing else."

"She didn't get in, remember? She's not coming until spring semester… if she gets into NYU."

Carole blinks, "You're going by yourself?"

Kurt laughs, "Mike's going to NYU," he shrugs, "really, Carole, being friendless in a city of sixteen million isn't exactly what I'm worried about."

"…can Mike be a distraction?"

Kurt snorts before he can stop himself, "Tina's a junior, too. We can watch Singing in the Rain and wallow in our misery together, lovely. No, I need Rachel, as obnoxiously insane as she is. And Rachel… Rachel needs NYADA. It's her dream."

Carole's silent for a moment, "Isn't it yours?"

Kurt hesitates for a moment, "It's a dream," he says finally, "but it's not _the_ dream, I think I'm good on that front." He sighs and absently runs a hand through his hair, "there has to be a way to get her in."

Carole laughs, "They're probably full, Sweetie. They had a reason to not accept her, you can't just tell them to give her your spot instead, life doesn't work like that. Besides, what would you do?'

Kurt shrugs, "I don't know." A moment later, "Finn called about five seconds before they called her in, she got half way through Don't Rain on my Parade before it fully sunk in and she turned and ran out."

Carole stares at him.

"I could try." He says it softly, barely a whisper.

"…you could. I suppose you could always go into fashion."

Kurt stares at her for a moment, trying to see if she's serious. "Fashion."

"Why not?"

"I just like to look nice, that's not a job, Carole. Not a paying one anyway."

"Oh, Sweetie," she gets up and goes directly to one of his shelves, wordlessly pulling down a few things before coming back and setting them in front of him. "Make sure you're doing this for the right reasons, but…. Think about it." A second later, she was gone.

Kurt stares after her for a moment a looks down at what she had brought him. The notebook he wrote Pip Pip Hooray in, his West Side Story script and what remained of his Hudson-Hummel wedding monstrosity. He blinks for a second, trying to figure what she was trying to say, but in the end reaches for the stuff from the wedding. Might as well go in order.

A large part of the folder consists of possible reception decoration ideas, most of which he hadn't used, but the majority of it was dresses. There were a fair few for Carole that had been cut out of magazines only to have been drawn on with pen, as if he could change this detail or that by crossing it out. Even looking at them now, Kurt feels that none of them are quite right for Carole. Behind the glossy magazine pages are notebook pages, at least ten of them, dresses designed by Kurt himself when he realized he wasn't going to be able to find what he wanted in magazines. It's the same thing for the bridesmaid dresses, except more of them because he hadn't wanted any of the girls to match exactly.

He finds himself spreading the self-designed dresses out on the bed. There is literally dozens of them. He can still remember the crushing disappointment he had felt when he realized he wouldn't have time to make everybody's clothes. He had just wanted everybody to look their absolute best. It _was_ his dad's wedding.

He shifts through the papers a bit and pulls out Pip Pip Hooray. He knows before opening the notebook what he's going to find: three scenes, six incomplete songs and dozens of costume designs. Though he had worked on the musical all last summer, he doesn't think he actually wrote anything after the second week. He leaves it open on a page with Kate's bridesmaids dress and sets it aside.

He reaches for the West Side Story script, he's not entirely sure what he's going to find, the production was a bit of a blur in his memory. He does remember seemingly endless hours of watching Blaine kill it in rehearsal and, of course opening night. Still, he's not too surprised when he discovers that the pages are covered with more costumes, in the margins, the blank pages at the end, really a lot of Artie's decisions were bad at best. He leaves it open to a random page and sets it with the others.

He knows what Carole is trying to say, he does spend an extraordinary amount of time working on his outfits, but- Okay, so _maybe_ he spent more time on his NYADA audition outfit then he did on rehearsing the song, but first impressions are everything. He loves the stage, he does-

So why is he suddenly so confused?

He sighs and gets up, carefully to avoid disturbing the papers too much. He goes back to his desk, the repetitive steps of the Calculus homework should be enough to help clear his mind. It's weird, how Carole can make one comment and seemingly throw his entire future into chaos, still, best not to screw up his high school graduation this late in the game.

_No, not all of it_, he thinks as he sits down. He reaches for his phone instead of the pencil still waiting in his book. That sharp pain in the center of his chest is still there, too strong to be ignored, but manageable enough that he thinks he might be able to get through his first semester in New York on his own if he has to. He wonders how long that thought will last.

To: Blaine

I love you

He's just finished copying the first problem out into his notebook when his phone buzzes.

From: Blaine

I love you too

It helps more than any conversation with Carole ever could.

A/N: So I'm not entirely happy with the way that last bit turned out, but I think the point gets across. I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself so: Hi! I'm Sam and I'll be your author this evening, or was your author this evening… anyway, I liveblog the writing of each chapter on my tumblr (seriously the posts for this one are a bit insane), so if anybody wants to know how the next chapter is coming, hints or random snippets come and join me! I'm hudmelberryson-nyc there as well, and really I won't bite, promise!

Random author's note is random, I applogize.


	4. Chapter 4

After he's finished with his homework, Kurt carefully packs his school bag and stacks the things on his bed into neat piles on the desk, before going to his closet. He stares into it for a moment before reaching in and pulling down a vest, and then another, a scarf, that plaid suit, and everything else that he has ever designed and made for himself, even the pieces that were based on something he simply couldn't afford. He usually took some creative license after all. When his closet is looking much emptier, he goes and drops it all on the bed.

He blinks at it for a moment.

Really, all of this?

Not really sure what he's doing, he quickly sorts it all into neat piles, things he had replicated over here, pieces that were entirely his own over there and the few things that were odd mixes of the two in the middle. Then he starts going through it, piece by piece, examining the stitching, the cut, the hems, anything he can think of. He's not sure what he's looking for.

He can remember making each piece: measuring and cutting the fabric, the panic when he ran out the perfect shade of blue thread half way through that shirt, that vest had taken days to sew by hand when the motor in his sewing machine had died, it had taken a dozen tries to get the lines of these pockets right. He loves the thrill he gets when a piece if finally perfect, struggles to ignore the disappointment when nobody compliments him the first time he wears something new, that strange rush of adrenaline he gets when Mercedes looks impressed with his latest project.

He finds himself sitting amid the mess, a pair of skull printed pants in his lap, staring at the wall in front of him.

How many times has he hemmed Blaine's new pants in the last year? Simply because he enjoys it? Yes he thinks that the Andersons' tailor has a sloppy stitch, and things always end… well… when Kurt has to measure Blaine's inseam, but there's something in the repetativeness of the task that he finds relaxing. There's no pressure for it to be perfect, to be McQueen inspired or anything else. It's just a hem.

But it's Blaine and seriously, if he won't buy pants that fit, why should he ave to pay for something so simple?

How many times has he altered dresses for the girls?

He's completely remade at least one of his dad's suits, probably all of them.

Hell, he completely changed Carole's wardrobe the third time he met her. But then, acid wash, _seriously_?

And maybe he's ordered his own clothes a size too large once or twice so he can tailor them properly.

But it's never really been more of a hobby right? A way to relax after getting slushied five times that day?

Okay, yes, he admits, there's a challenge to it, one even more addicting then hitting a high F perfectly on the first try. It's not something he can explain, not really. There's just something about making the vest he could find to complete that perfect outfit, something about the rush he gets when he finds a gorgeous accessory in a second hand store and working an outfit around it. He knows he can get a bit obsessive sometimes, his dad refuses to go shopping with him unless absolutely necessary for that reason.

But Carole seems to think he could make a career out of it, or she certainly seems to be hinting at it.

He stares at the pants in his lap, the stitching is really good on these. He's proud of it. _And _they make his ass look fantastic, that's always a plus.

He's never really considered it. Making clothes for himself and helping out friends is one thing, but making money off of it?

He's still not entirely convinced he can make it on Broadway. He knows his voice inside and out, he's reasonably certain it won't change on him now. Wouldn't that be his luck if it did though? He knows his limits. He knows he's good, and there's nothing quite like applause, even if it's not his. Yes, even if it's Rachel's. He also knows that he's not particularly suited for any role, his voice is too high, he looks too elven, he looks too gay. He doesn't know if he can offset that, first impressions are everything and it's hard to change the way people see him. He needs to prove them wrong, break through those barriers and just go for it, especially after West Side Story. He could always do what his dad suggested and write his own parts, but then he'll probably just get distracted by the costumes again.

On the other hand, he's never really thought about going into fashion, never seriously. He has no idea where he stands in that field. There's so many things he wishes people were making, so many ideas he has, plans for things he could where himself. He doesn't think he could work for somebody, what if he started his own fashion house? What would he call it? Not important. He'd certainly enjoy it, he doesn't see himself falling out of love with clothes anytime soon, and-

As much as he loves the stage it's really Rachel's place to shine. She needs it in a way he doesn't, a way he probably never will. Rachel's been training for this her entire life and-

God, he really just needs her there with him. She'll drive him insane within a week but, he can't go alone.

_Make sure you're doing this for the right reasons_.

He can't do this for Rachel. He can't do this because he's afraid of being alone now that he knows what it's like not to be. He has to do this because he's decided that he doesn't want NYADA anymore.

Can he do that?

When Blaine meets Kurt at his locker with coffee the next morning, Kurt practically throws himself at him, pressing his cheek against the gel and hugging him tightly. They're in the crowded halls of McKinley High so he refrains from shoving Blaine against the lockers and kissing him until they can't remember their names, but he wants to. Oh does he.

Blaine laughs as he slides backwards a little, his boat shoes don't have the greatest traction on the tiled floor of McKinley's halls, and just manages to keep the coffees he held in each hand from spilling. When Kurt pulls back, seemingly just remembering where they are as he glances nervously around the hall and accepting his grande non-fat mocha with a grin, Blaine says, "I not complaining or anything, but what brought that on?"

Kurt slowly lowers his cup, setting carefully inside his locker as he finishes arranging his Calculus book and notebook just so and grabs what he needs for first period AP history. It's a moment before he responds, his voice low and full of meaning, "I just _missed_ you yesterday, that's all."

Blaine leans against the locker, looking at him sadly.

"And I… god, I couldn't move. I haven't even _left_ yet and I saw that picture Mike took when we went on the picnic and it just… ran me over."

Blaine sighs softly, tilting his head back against the locker with a faint, metallic thump, when he speaks his voice is soft, so full of emotions that it cracks slightly, "How can one person have you so completely that-" He swallows, not wanting to break down in the hallway. Or at all, it feels like he's done nothing but cry since the beginning of April.

Kurt tips his forehead against Blaine for a brief moment, "I'm sorry, Carole showed up and – she _knew_ and I didn't even notice when you-" He cuts himself off, god this hurts so much. He knows people do this all the time, the forced long distance for reasons not completely in their control. He thinks that if people knew what it was like, nobody would ever fall in love in high school. Of course he hadn't really been able to help that either, not that he had wanted to.

"Hey. Hey," Blaine reaches up and cups Kurt's cheek as he pulls back. He doesn't have to say anything else, Kurt just nods, setting his shoulders slightly, grabs his coffee and shuts the door as the five-minute bell rings, but he does anyway, "You couldn't have known," he laughs weakly, "I did my best to keep you from noticing at all. I just don't want you do stay back because of me."

Kurt gives a tight smile, "I know, you'd be all guilt-ridden and I'd be miserable, we've gone over it." He takes a deep breath and adjusts the strap on his shoulder as they walk to Blaine's class. "But Rachel's not going anymore, not right away at least…" He has to say this, they have to talk about it and now might not be the right time, but if he doesn't get it out now, he probably never will. "I'm scared, Blaine. I always thought I'd be going on my own, and now I shouldn't have to be… I don't know if I can do it, not when I'm leaving everything I need behind me." He stops outside the door. This was easier to admit to Carole while his emotions were shot, but then, her opinion, though helpful, wasn't the one that really mattered. "I can't go alone." He's not entirely proud of the fact that his voice is barely above a whisper, but he said it.

Blaine swallows, trying to ignore the way his heart clenches, "Honey-"

"I know, I just… I had this idea, and then Carole said something and you're probably going hate me and try to talk me out of it, but I think…" He sighs, he eyes drifting to the clock just visible on the far classroom wall. "It's gonna have to wait though, Christ I should have waited until-"

Blaine laughs, "You about strangled yourself there for a minute getting out, if you're sure that you're going to be okay, it can wait," his eyes are full of love and concern so intense that Kurt feels himself melt a little.

Blaine tends to have that effect on him.

"I'll be fine, really. I know we're meeting Mike and Tina for lunch, but the more opinions the better, so as long as Rachel doesn't invite herself…"

Blaine chuckles and goes up on his toes to kiss Kurt's cheek, ignoring the stares they must be getting, "Don't be late then, you have about thirty seconds."

AP classes are a joke at McKinley, Kurt's teacher doesn't bother to take attendance and his class is so far behind that he's surprised that Blaine's hasn't caught up with his, so Kurt just winks and shoots Blaine a, still slightly shaky, grin as he walks down the hall backward for a few steps, turning on his heel just before he reaches the corner and disappears.

Blaine watches him go for a moment and ducks inside his class just before the final bell rings.

It's going to be a long morning.

Blaine's not sure what he thinks is going on. It's obvious to him that Kurt thinks that it's important that they talk about it, whatever _it_ is, but it's just as obvious that Kurt really doesn't want to. They agreed a year ago, when Kurt first brought up going to New York that Blaine wouldn't be there for the first year. They hadn't known how hard it would be, even the lead up to Kurt leaving Lima was physically painful and Blaine is sure that it's only going to get worse. But they had agreed, Kurt would be miserable in Lima with nothing to do but help out in Burt's shop while Blaine was a school all day. He wouldn't bring it up again only to say he was staying, would he? No, of course not, this is Kurt not Rachel.

Rachel.

She's not going to New York in August because she doesn't want to have nothing to do, says she doesn't want to turn into Kurt's housewife. Kurt had rolled his eyes at her, as if he needed a housewife. But her decision not to go throws all kinds of things into chaos. Does Kurt find a teeny, cramped hellhole of an apartment he can afford himself? Does he live in the dorms for a semester? Does he find a different roommate among the other sixteen million people that live in the city? Really, Blaine doesn't see any of that happening and as spoiled as Rachel is, he doubts Leroy and Harim will pay for half of an apartment she's not even living in yet.

Blaine's vaguely aware that his teacher has taken her spot at the front of the room and digs out his pen and notebook to take notes. He writes automatically as he continues to think.

Kurt can't go to New York alone, the very thought of him going home to an empty apartment with nothing but that all-encompassing painful loneliness that Blaine has been feeling for months to keep him company makes Blaine's heart hurt even more. It's enough to make him want to cry. Still, if that's what Kurt wants… Blaine's not going to ask him to stay another year. As much as he wants to, he won't do that.

But what if there was a way to convince Rachel to go to New York this fall anyway? Even without NYADA? She loves the city, surely there must be a way.

Blaine thinks about it all morning, mentally going in circles until it's nearly enough to drive himself crazy, but he can't come up with anything. Rachel settling for the NYU theater program is a stretch enough, there's no way she was going to go to New York for the sole purpose of keeping Kurt from getting lonely. It just isn't something she would do.

By the time he sits across from Mike and Tina with his barely edible cafeteria food, he's giving himself a headache and he knows he looks at least a little stressed out. He instantly pushes his tray away a bit so he can rest his elbows on the table and press his hands to his eyes. Why was this making him so nervous?

"You okay, Blaine?"

Blaine drops his hands and stares across the table at Mike. He looks genuinely worried, Blaine's not entirely sure how to handle that, he's still not used to seeing the expression on Kurt's face let alone anyone else's.

"I'm fine, really."

There's a moment of unconvinced silence. Mike stares at him with his eyebrows raised in a surprisingly effective 'judging you' expression (or at least that's what Kurt calls it) and Tina has her head cocked slightly to one side. It's strange how effective silence can be even when in a crowded, noisy high school cafeteria. Or something like that, Blaine head hurts too much to allow for philosophical thinking.

Blaine sighs, "Kurt got into NYADA."

"That's fantastic! Oh wait-" she jumped out of her seat and tore off across the cafeteria.

Blaine and Mike stared after her just in time to see her hug a startled Kurt around the neck. Her enthusiastic "Congratulations!" was loud enough to bring a large amount of the conversation around them to a sudden halt.

Mike laughed at her for a moment, stopping abruptly when he turned back and saw the look on Blaine's face, "So what's the problem?"

Blaine sighs again, heavily, he seems to be doing that a lot recently. "Rachel didn't."

Mike's eyebrows shoot up and he slowly lowers his slice of pizza. "Shit."

"Yea and she didn't apply anywhere else so she's not leaving until January." Blaine rubs the back of his neck. "Kurt doesn't want to go alone. I guess he and Carole had some idea last night and-" he shrugs, "I don't know."

Mike shakes his head, "Why does growing up have to be such a mess?"

Blaine just laughs, his eyes following Kurt as he makes his way through the lunch line, Tina bouncing slightly at his side.

"Well how bad can it be? It's not like he can give her his slot, I mean, it's NYADA they've probably got a back-up list a mile long, if she's not on it, she's not on it."

Kurt and Tina are nearly at the table before Blaine speaks again. "She's not on it, she didn't even finish her audition."

Mike blinks and Tina looks briefly confused for a moment as she sinks back into her seat then completely disbelieving.

"Rachel didn't-"

"Shh," Kurt waves a hand at her frantically, "the last thing I want is her barging in."

"Sorry."

Mike blinks again, perplexed, "What happened?"

"An inconveniently timed break-up phone call from Finn, but that's not important."

Tina frowns, "So she's not going then?"

"Not unless she gets into NYU and not until spring."

"And you don't want to go alone."

"It's more like I'll go insane without a distraction," Kurt says, his eyes flicking between Mike and Blaine, "and Rachel is a very good distraction." He stabs his salad with a surprising amount of viciousness.

"And you can't afford the rent on your own." Mike says, "Have you started looking yet? It's ridiculous."

"That's Manhattan, seriously, what did you think you were getting into?"

Mike falls silent. Blaine and Tina grin.

"I've been thinking about it all morning, the idea is to get her to go anyway… right?"

"Naturally."

"Wait," Tina gestures with her fork, "what's she a distraction from?"

"The separation anxiety from hell."

"Ah that," she pauses for a moment, "took you long enough."

"Yea," Mike adds, "it's a bitch."

"Okay…" Blaine hesitates, "I can't think of anything that will get her to go, not without NYADA."

Kurt swallows and looks away. "Exactly."

It's barely more than a whisper, but Blaine hears it anyway. "You can't just give it to her, they'll never let you do that. Especially not if she screwed it up as much as she said she did and they must have a back-up list, it's not fair to those kids-"

"Don't you think I know all that, Blaine?"

Tina's staring at him, "You can't just give up your dream for _Rachel_, I mean if it was Blaine it'd be one-"

"I'd never ask it, and that's what started the end of Finchel, isn't it?"

Tina makes a huffing noise, "That's beside the point."

"But that's the thing, it's _not_ my dream, not like it is for Rachel." He glances at Mike, "not like dancing is for you. It's _a_ dream, yes absolutely, but if it doesn't happen, I won't be completely devastated." Kurt sighs, "And Finchel ended about the time we were singing Baby its Cold Outside at Dalton, they just didn't know it, not really."

Mike snorted.

Blaine's staring at Kurt like he's never seen him before, "But you _love_-"

"And I'm not denying it, I love cars too, doesn't mean I'm want to take over the shop."

Blaine scrubbed a hand over his face, but all he said was, "What'd Carole say?" He reaches for his soda.

Kurt's eyebrows rose, "That I make sure I do it for the right reasons. And that she thinks we're going to get married, but that was just in passing."

Blaine chokes on his coke, spewing some across the table, but managing to miss everybody's food. They joke about their honorary married status all the time, and talk about _someday_, but it was completely unexpected for him to hear it from somebody else. Especially Kurt's parents.

Mike and Tina laugh at him, Kurt just grins smugly.

"Anything helpful?" Blaine asks, grabbing a napkin from the holder in the center of the table and wiping up the mess he's made.

"She thinks I should go into fashion."

"That's kinda what we all expected in the first place," Mike says, dropping his pizza crust to his plate and wiping his greasy hands on his own napkin.

"We were all kind of surprised when you decided to go the Broadway route," Tina adds. "It really never crossed your mind?"

"Never. I spent a lot of time thinking about it last night. Woke up this morning, half of my wardrobe was on the floor and my laptop had fifteen different schools up in firefox."

Tina laughs.

"It's too late to get in anywhere else-" Blaine starts.

"I know, that's Rachel's problem, but NYU doesn't have a fashion program anywhere. So if I major in business and Italian-"

"Why Italian?"

"Because you need a language for a requirement and I'm already fluent in French, shush." Kurt cuts him off and continues, "And probably a few art classes. Then get into a two year program at a fashion school-"

"Oh my god, you're going to start your own." Tina's staring at him wide eyed.

"That's what I was starting to think, yes."

Tina's already muffling a shriek behind one hand and shaking Mike's arm with the other, "I'm so _excited._ Do you need a model or anything?"

Kurt stares at her, blinking, "I… what?"

"That's how you get free clothes isn't it?"

Kurt stares at her, "Wait… you really…"

Tina raises an eyebrow as the bell rings, "What, did you think we invited you to come shopping with us because you're nice to look at? I was disappointed when you started going on about NYADA." She grabs her tray and stands, "Seriously, go for it."

Kurt watches as Mike and Tina walk away, mouth still hanging open slightly in shock. He shakes himself out of it in a moment and goes to grab his own tray, but finds that Blaine has already stacked it with his. He stands and they walk in silence to the counter.

After Blaine hands their trays over and they leave the cafeteria for the hall he asks, "What is your dream then?"

They stop outside Kurt's class and he meets Blaine's eyes, "You."

"You've got me."

"Exactly."

Blaine smiles, glancing at the floor and fiddling slightly with the strap of his bag and Kurt reminds himself that he needs to find something that will prove to Blaine how sure he is they will make it. "You sound like you've pretty much made up your mind," Blaine says when he looks up again.

"Do I?" Kurt sighs, "I suppose I do. Now, how to get Rachel into NYADA?"

"We'll think of something."


	5. Chapter 5

"This is a horrible idea," Kurt says, staring at his computer screen.

Behind him, on the bed, Blaine laughs, "This whole thing is a horrible idea and sending an email to Carmen Tibideaux explaining why you want to decline and try to give Rachel a second chance instead is what bothers you?"

Kurt twists around in the desk chair and rests his chin against his arms across the back, "You don't think I should?" He sounds so uncertain, Blaine's heart breaks a little.

"It just seems sudden, that's all. You've been talking about nothing but NYADA for months…" Blaine sighs and runs a hand across the back of his neck. "But some of your best decisions are done on the fly, I mean, you planned on Phantom until you saw the look on her face, right? Or that's what you said."

Kurt hums, "I was ready though, just in case…and there's that one time I was in the Dalton parking lot before I knew I had made the drive… best spur of the moment decision I ever made."

Blaine flops on his back with his head hanging of the side of the bed and grins up at him, "Exactly, so what's your gut telling you? It seems to have good ideas."

Kurt sighs. "Staying here a year isn't on the table," he laughs, "as much as I'd want to."

Blaine flips back onto his stomach and props his chin on his hand, going completely serious in an instant, "I'll make you go if I have to."

Kurt's lips twitch, "I know."

They stay silent for a moment.

"It's not my decision," Blaine says eventually.

"I know, I just… God I don't know."

"What's your Dad say?"

"Not much, I think he's just relieved I'm doing this now and not half way through my senior spring musical or something. But he didn't look surprised." Kurt sighs, "It's what everyone expected in the first place, isn't it?"

Blaine grins, "Have you seen yourself shop?"

Kurt's pulls a face at him, "So I can spend eight hours looking for the perfect scarf, your point." He lifts an eyebrow, but the smile on his face and the way his head is tilted on his arms ruin the intended effect.

"You know what makes each one different when they all look the same."

Kurt rolls his eyes, "That's because they are different."

"If you say so."

Kurt sighs and turns back to the computer, "But what do I say?"

"The truth?"

"You know what I mean."

Blaine doesn't say anything, "You're sure about this? It's not exactly something you can change your mind about later."

Kurt takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. "About as sure as I am that Mike was trying to ask if I want to live with him instead of Rachel at lunch earlier."

"Think about it though, you, me, Mike and Tina living together, how awesome would that be?"

"And I suppose we get Rachel into NYADA and then abandon her?" Blaine hesitates and Kurt can hear him typing on his blackberry. He looks over his shoulder. "He asked you to try and bring it up, didn't he?"

"…Maybe." Blaine cancels his message and puts his phone aside, "Do you think we could afford a three bedroom if we're splitting it five ways?"

Kurt turns toward him properly again, "You're serious."

"Why not? It'll be like _Friends_."

"Oh god," and then Kurt's laughing. "It'll have to be affordable split three ways." He looks like he's actually considering it.

Blaine just grins and jumps to his feet as Kurt turns back to the computer, again. "Well you can't ask them to just give her your spot, that'll never work. What if you got them to give her a second audition? She didn't stick around for her allowed restart, did she?"

"No," Kurt sighs. "It'd be nice if I could keep it a surprise though… and I think she got too far in, past her eight measures."

"Maybe you can send something in, something unplanned, show them how good she is without four hundred rehearsal hours." Blaine tilts his head against the side of Kurt's, "You have to try."

Kurt just sighs and logs into Yahoo. Blaine nudges him over a bit so they can share the chair.

It takes him a couple of hours to get the wording right, trying to get his intentions across without actually having to come out and say "I'd love to go to your school, but my friend needs it more so let her in instead please" or "my stepbrother is a dick and I feel guilty so give Rachel my spot, k thanks." It's hard to get the balance right, but in the end Kurt thinks he gets his intentions across. They're doing a final grammar check when Carole taps on the door frame.

"Staying for dinner, Blaine?"

"You need a comma there…" Blaine's saying pointing at the screen, "What…oh. I wouldn't want to-"

"You're always welcome, you know that." Carole grins, "I'm serious, if you're not here once a week next year I will be extremely disappointed."

"Thanks, Mrs. H, I'd love too." He ignores the eyeroll Carole sends his way. She has told him repeatedly that he can call her Carole, but the most he'll do is shorten the Hudson-Hummel. Blaine frowns at the screen for a second, "I think you're good."

"Need a fresh set of eyes boys?"

Kurt reaches over, unplugs his laptop and hands it to her.

Her eyebrows raise slightly when she realizes what it is, "I take it telling Finn is out of the question."

Kurt grins, he does mention that Rachel has done nothing to influence this decision in the email, and that he'd like to keep it a secret, even if it's only so she doesn't have to be disappointed a second time. "He'll tell her instantly," is all he says.

Carole reads it through a few times and hands the computer back, "Looks good to me… you're sure?"

Kurt stares at the screen for a moment, takes a deep breath and wordlessly clicks on the send button. He stares blankly at the screen for another second before, "Need help with dinner?"

"If you want…" she eyes Kurt and Blaine critically for a moment, "You look exhausted."

Kurt raises an eyebrow as he stands, stretching slightly to work the kinks out of his spine, "I just looked everything I've wanted since I was eight in the face and said 'No,' excuse me if I start to grieve."

Blaine laughs slightly as he gets up from where he is still awkwardly perched on the edge of the desk chair and slides an arm around Kurt's waist. How hadn't he noticed how tense Kurt has been slowly getting over the past couple of hours? Blaine nuzzles against the back of Kurt's neck for a moment, smiling when he starts to relax almost instantly. He glances at Carole over Kurt's shoulder, "You said something about dinner?"

Several hours later, when Blaine's entering the front door of the house he only called home to avoid awkward questions, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He shuts the door behind him, locks it and is halfway up the large staircase on the other side of the sitting room (he felt it was too cold and impersonal to call a living room) before he manages to wiggle it out of his jeans.

From: Mike

Did you bring it up?

Blaine grins, closes his bedroom door behind him and flops onto his bed. Kurt is going to kill him… okay, probably not, wanting to live with Mike and Tina instead of Rachel can't be that serious of a crime, can it?

_To: Mike_

_Of course I did… right before we wrote an email to the head of NYADA_

The response is almost immediate.

_From: Mike_

_He's actually going through with it? Shit. _

Blaine laughs.

_To: Mike_

_Yup._

_To: Mike_

_How about a three room with five of us?_

_To: Mike_

_You know eventually_

Mike doesn't respond for several minutes, so Blaine pulls the homework he had abandoned out of his back pack and starts finishing up his English essay.

_From: Mike_

_You're actually serious_

_To: Mike_

_Why does everybody seem to think it's a bad idea?_

_To: Mike_

_We can't just leave her on her own, Kurt won't allow it for one_

_From: Mike_

_And the two of you can't live separately?_

Blaine rolls his eyes and scowls slightly at the screen.

_To: Mike_

_Would you and Tina? The whole point is to be together._

_From: Mike_

…_fair enough._

_From: Mike_

_I know we can afford it but Dad's gonna flip. Fantastic… what about yours?_

Blaine sighs. Kurt knows about the issues he has with his father, but Mike can understand in a way Kurt never will.

_To: Mike_

_The college funds from my grandparents, he can't take it when I move in with Kurt. It'll hold for a couple years at least until I can figure something out._

_To: Mike_

_It's the trust fund I'm worried about… I have plans for that._

_From: Mike_

_LOL... with Kurt in charge of your wedding, you'll need it_

_From: Mike _

_Does he know?_

_To: Mike_

_That it exists? Of course How much? He figures it's not his business and I'll tell him when he needs to know._

Blaine laughs to himself as he finishes the conclusion to his paper and reaches for his laptop so he can type it up. He ignores the way his stomach twists uncomfortably.

He knows that Kurt isn't dating him for his trust fund, he barely acknowledge it exists. As far as they are both concerned it's just money. Not important.

Still, Blaine's not looking forward to the day when he has to look Kurt in the eye and tell him that living together has cost him two and a half million because he knows Kurt will blame himself for it.

Blaine will take Kurt over the money any day.


End file.
